Thursday, April 16, 2015
I know it has been a very long time since I posted and I am truly sorry about that......
A few days ago I got what I felt was a rather mean spirited comment from someone who I do not recall commenting in the past---(and if she has, please forgive my lapse in memory)......
The comment was chastising me for being a bad blogger because I have not responded to the many comments asking how I am; that it was rude of me and at 84 I should know better.....and saying it was very wrong of me for not letting people who care about me know how I am, and then added, and, "if you are dead...well, RIP."
I didn't post it because I found it so cold and truly shocking, unfeeling and hurtful.
(And if the person who wrote that comment happens to be reading this, I am still 83 and will turn 84 the end of June, God willing...)
To all of you wonderful reader friends that I actually know from your years of caring commenting, and from your truly wonderful blogs, your incredibly supportive understanding has not gone unnoticed by me----and I have tried to get around as much as energy permits, to as many of you as I can, thanking you and letting you know where I am at and what is happening to me---all be it, in rather vague terms......
My Health Issues have really really laid me low and leave me with very little energy for blogging and even for going on the computer, at all.
The other factors of living life with an incurable disease plus one's body just falling apart as it sometimes does as we get older, have left me very depressed.
More losses of dear ones which seem to be the 'norm' these days, has added to that depression.
And that, on top of the ravages of the body, makes it very clear to me that there is no good end here.
There is no light at the end of the tunnel here except possibly the light you see, hopefully, when you leave this life.
As many of you know, I have been confined to my home for over 10 years.....not able to go anywhere; not able to participate in any of the life I lived before this disease was diagnosed----and that has been very very hard.
This blog has saved me.
All of you have saved me.
But, I am running out of steam now.
Things are getting worse and will continue to do so, I'm sorry to say----that's the nature of illness and age, and I must say---
it really pisses me off,
and leaves me feeling pretty hopeless.
And I have to say, I really hate writing all this to you because I always wanted my blog to be a place of creativity and hopefulness, in spite of what was and is happening to me.
But I'm at a point now where all of my waking hours are just about taking care of my bodily needs and that is very wearing and it takes all my energy.
I wish I could hug each and everyone of you to let you know how meaningful your loving friendships have meant to me over these more than nine years of blogging----a gift I never expected and a gift I truly treasure.
You will never know just how important all of your friendships are to me.
I have no idea when I will write again on my blog, and I hope and pray I will be able to......And if I am not able to, I also hope and pray you all will understand.
I guess I should thank the person who chastised me because it did propel me to write this update.....
I love you all with all my heart, and I will continue to stay in touch as best I can, when I can.
Hoping there is More To Come, but I make no promises because I don't really know what is to come......
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